| Like Totally the Best Game of D&D Ever to the Max
Parta ONEA
We were totally riding our T-Rexes and going back to king Midas with the devils head. When we entered the castle, master chiefs t rex ate George the Guard, when we got to king Midas he accepted the head and Susan the wise his secretary gave us a mission to kill a pterodactyl that was owning this noobie town shooting beams of super heated maple syrup at all the villagers and homes. Master Chief and Jesus accepted the mission and walked out of the castle to see there T-rexes dead and everyone dead and they walked back to go inside but the doors slammed in their faces and the castle just kind of disappeared. So they started walking south to the pterodactyl and the world all of a sudden went sideways and they were floating in mid air but the earth was also tilted so Jesus summoned his whale wrath and the whale came from the sky flopping around and made the earth normal. Afterwards Master Chief did this awesome uppercut that sent the whale to the moon wich blew up and shook the earth for like a second. Jesus took the ultimate whale tail and put it in his inventory of doom. They began to walk again and they later came to two paths one called the forbidden forest of no return and the path of light. Master Chief went down the Path of light while Jesus went down the forbidden forest of no return. As Jesus walked down the path he came upon a druid of doomed doomism and 3 of his minions. The first minion was killed by Jesus’ cheese puff paradox and his head fell off and floated away and his arms exploded into confetti. The other stood and said wow and one of the enemies tried kicking Jesus but before he got to his face, Jesus grabbed his foot and he fell to the ground. Jesus tried stepping on his face with his foot but he missed and stomped on a snake, whose dad got pissed and bit him in the nose poisoning him violently. One of the minions tried tripping Jesus and after succeeding had a heart attack and died. Jesus, after falling on the downed enemy and breaking a rib, tried getting up but moved the wrong way and ended up flipping over on his head, breaking his head and suffered major head damage and breaking the same rib into fours. Jesus being in reach of the druid was thrown far away.
While all this was going on Master Chief met up with a dragon that offered him a ride but Jesus coming out of no where hit the dragon in the face killing it. They decided to continue on and came to a castle with a guy dancing to system of a down and so Jesus went up to him and poked him the face and he got pissed off. Master Chief was chugging a massive Dixie cup of cola, but the weight of the Dixie cup fell on him capturing master chief, the man stronger than all the planets combined, inside. The naked man dancing got pissed off and took the small tower that was smaller than a big tower and flipped it over but while he did this it hit him in the foot and he caught on fire and ran crazily into the Dixie cup and freed Master Chief and died. Now they had to decide whether to go down the path or into the big hole. They decided the hole and in order to get down it they had to take the long and painful fall to the bottom. Instead of hurting themselves they decided to just teleport so they did. They were walking around down in the hole for a while until they found a stone bull of awesomeness and who ever touched it would get a bloody nose. So master chief touched it and his helmet filled up with so much blood that it popped off and so he had to clean it out and put it back on. Then Jesus touched it and nothing happened because he is Jesus. A huge pause with Master Chief staring at him occurred. “You know what fuck you Jesus you are always touching things just pick the damn thing up and lets go.” So he put it into his inventory of doom. After walking for some time Jesus was shot at with a giant tack that went into his chest. After master chief helped him take it out they were shot at again except this time toward Master Chief but he used his super dodging skills and dodged it so it hit Jesus again in his arm. Since it was Jesus he could make it into a new fashion and wear it as a belt buckle. They walked toward were the tacks were coming from and they came to another magnificent stone bull statue that was shooting the tacks at them. He demanded his brother back. Jesus said no. The bull charged at him but Master Chief pushed him out of the way and saved him. The bull got his horns stuck in the wall and that gave Jesus the perfect chance to attack. He took out his giant toe cheese RPG with rapid fire action on fire with C4 on the side and shot at the bull. The bull deflected it because it was immune. Jesus was like blown back 10 miles into a wall. Master Chief ran over to the thrashing bull and kicked its hind legs off in one kick. The bull was so pissed that it pulled out a tiny Molotov cocktail and chucked it at the MC. He tried dodging it but it was going way to slow. It exploded on MC leg, engulfing him flames. The bull was immune to the fire so it started like eating MC. When all of a sudden a giant bastard sword covered in BBQ sauce with Jesus gripping the handle came soaring out of the darkness. It sliced right through the bull. MC came flying out of the bull’s mouth, doing like 20 back-flips. He landed on his feet, but he was still on fire so he like fell over and started screaming like a little bitch. Jesus was like, “Holy Shit……You’re on fire……you asshole.” And then he put the fire out with his +1 cloak of fire-be-gone. MC was really happy that he wasn’t on fire anymore. They decided to travel a bit farther into the cave. After about a week of walking they came to a small room. The room was full of light, with white walls and a green chair in the middle facing away from the entrance. Jesus looked at MC and started crying. So MC was a gentleman and punched Jesus in the face. MC began to move towards the chair. Jesus was soooo knocked out that he has nothing to do with the last part of this cave. MC came to the chair and walked around to see what was sitting in it, but it was totally empty.
He was so confused, Cortana was like, “Ask if it needs assistance.” So he did, and the chair came to life and started flipping out in a chair kinda way. MC got mad and threatened to blow up the world if the chair didn’t calm down. Then it stopped it’s calm thrashing and began to speak. It said, “I’m sorry my metal behemoth, I was having a horrid nightmare!!!” so MC was all like, “HEY YOU STUPID MEXICAN, YOU’RE A CHAIR!!!! You can’t have dreams.” The chair made a funny face and was like completely insulted for some stupid reason and said, “I wasn’t always a chair, I used to be the brave knight of Hyrule. My name is Link…something.” Cortana told MC to help link out this freakin cave, and sounded like a swell idea so MC picked up the cha…I mean Link and Jesus and ran out of the room. The room suddenly exploded, MC shit his suit and started running faster, but the shockwave pushed MC forward, still holding Link and Jesus, he rode the explosion through the cave, it was great. The explosion pushed them right out of the hole, sending flying into the air. They landed a couple of feet away, but they were totally fine.
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